Survivor

So... remember when I reviewed The November Man? In that review I said that I'm totally fine with Pierce Brosnan going through a sort of revival where he tries to do the same action franchise revival that Liam Neeson did? Yeah... Pierce, with movies like Survivor, that revival is going to take a lot longer than you think.

I must put it out there, I do like Pierce Brosnan. I think that the man is a talented actor as long as he choses the right films. And I do want to see him succeed. However, he doesn't seem to always make the right choices. And Survivor is a great example of that.

The funny part is, its not totally Brosnan's fault. Survivor stars Milla Jovovich as Kate Abbott, an employee for the American embassy in London. I have to give this movie credit, they really do try their darnest to make this government bureaucrat a lot more badass than she actually is. I'm not one hundred percent clear on what exactly her job is, but I do know that the reality of it is that she has a very mediocre job. When I say mediocre, I mean its pretty run of the mill. She's no spy, she's just a government employee.

Well anyways, Kate is working for the American embassy when she starts to notice some suspicious people wanting to enter the United States. She brings it to her superiors but they either quickly dismiss her or tell her to hand it over to the British Police to investigate. But Kate refuses to let it go. And it turns out that the people she is investigating don't like her investigating them so they quickly put a hit out on her.

And who do they hire to take out this one really insignificant government employee?

James Bond of course!!

Before I move on, wouldn't it be awesome if all these action roles Pierce Brosnan is doing were just James Bond after he left MI-6?

There's a theory out there that James Bond is just a codename, like Jason Bourne, and that it just keeps getting passed down from one handsome rogue to the next.

Whether you believe that theory or not, wouldn't it be nuts if Brosnan's Bond faked his death and all the action movies he's trying to revive his career with were just him after his time as James Bond?

Moving on though, if that is the case though, you'd think that this assassin they hire would be the worlds deadliest and cunning assassin ever.

Unfortunately, that's really far from the truth.

Brosnan is an assassin called "The Watchmaker". And he's more of a person who would be on an episode of The Blacklist who sounds menacing but in reality can be taken down in less than an hour episode on TV.

The Watchmaker is hired to kill Kate Abbott and he does probably the worst job I've ever seen an assassin do in these kinds of movies.

Seriously, he's suppose to be this worldclass assassin who has an incredible arsenal of weapons, explosives, and tactical knowledge and he keeps on setting off these explosions that kill everyone except for this lowly government worker.

And its not like he's going after Jason Bourne here. Kate really only escapes his attempts at her life by just running away.

And if you're going after one government worker, why don't you just break into her house at night and shoot her while she's sleeping? Why pin this elaborate conspiracy on her, a conspiracy that is easily proven false.

I don't know who to blame here, The Watchmaker, his employers, the writers. I don't know. But if you're going to get Pierce Brosnan to be this world class assassin, give him the dignity to be a smart villain.

And that's really the movie. There's a really complex plot and conspiracy that runs throughout the movie and to be totally honest, I had a really hard time following it. There are elements of it that I like but (and I don't care about spoilers) it ends with Brosnan trying to shoot the New Years Eve ball as its dropping because... terrorism.

While there are some other known actors in this movie, some of them I even really like (like Dylan McDermott) the majority of the movie centers on Milla Jovovich and Pierce Brosnan and their game of cat and mouse.

And I'm sorry, Milla Jovovich is an awful actress.

There's a reason she's only known for those shitty Resident Evil movies, its because her acting is some of the most wooden acting I've seen in a long time. I'm glad that she has other things going for her like her music and fashion career because her acting is really horrible. And it doesn't really help that she's on the run the entire movie and only interacts with a few people. She doesn't have many people around her to help and therefore its a lot more obvious.

Prior to seeing this movie, I really wondered why I haven't seen Jovovich in more things. After seeing this movie I know exactly why.

And then you've got Pierce who I've talked about more than I probably should. The problems are more in his character and the abilities of this world class assassin. Brosnan himself isn't a world class actor but he's better than this movie and he at least is a little bit entertaining when you forget how ineffective he is.

The overall of this movie is that it just isn't very good. Its trying to be something more than it is without even trying that hard. And it shows. This is the kind of movie that almost should have been a direct to DVD release. If this movie had advertised itself than nothing more than a B flick, I wouldn't be giving it so much shit, but you can tell it has the budget and star power of a movie that is trying to be taken seriously without actually trying.

Don't waste your time with Survivor. There are better cat and mouse movies than this one and its not really worth it.

But those are my thoughts on Survivor. What did you think of it? Comment and Discuss below. You can also send me your thoughts on Twitter @cmhaugen24 and you can also send me request for future reviews there as well. Follow me to get updates on future movie news and reviews.

I'll leave you with this. In honor of Pierce Brosnan and the upcoming Spectre, I'm going to show the Cracked After Hours on James Bond. That is where I get a lot of my theory. Enjoy!