Pirates of the Carribean 5: Dead Men Tell No Tales

There's probably not a lot I can say about this movie I can say that hasn't been said already. Nobody was itching for a fifth Pirates of the Carribean movie. I don't think there were a lot of people were were vocally against the idea but nobody was sitting up at night incomplete until they got ANOTHER installment into the franchise that all stemmed from a ride at Disney World. The funny thing is, people were saying the same thing when they came out with Pirates of the Carribean On Stranger Tides... oh you don't remember that one? Neither does anybody else!

Yes, Pirates of the Carribean has had a weird road and while the first movie is absolutely brilliant, they have only declined in quality since. But is that actually what the movie is like or is that just what every one assumed Dead Men Tell No Tales would be like?

Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Men Tell No Tales takes place AT LEAST twenty years after Pirates of the Carribean 3: At Worlds End. I have no idea how long it takes place after On Stranger Tides but let's be real, who cares?

We know this because the story follows the son of Will and Elizabeth, Henry (played Brenton Thwaites). You might say that's a spoiler but it's revealed VERY early on and you could probably guess that from the trailers. He's grown up trying to free his father from the curse of The Dutchmen that we saw in At World's End. In order to do that, he goes looking for the Trident of Poseidon.

In order to do that however, he enlists the help of the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow (played by Johnny Depp).

Along the way he comes across a woman astronomer named Karina (played by Kaya Scodelario) and the three of them plus some familiar faces including, Mr. Gibbs (played by Kevin McNally), and Captain Barbosa (played by Geoffrey Rush).

But along the way, Jack is being chased down by an old enemy of his, Captain Armando Salazar (played by Javier Bardem), a cursed pirate hunter who's death was caused by a very young, very CGI looking Jack Sparrow, many years ago.

There is, A LOT going on in this movie. There are a lot of characters too, both old and new. The very talented David Wenham is in this movie but I bet I will forget that in a week's time because his scenes were so inconsequential. Karina is accused of being a witch but then there is an actual witch who shows up for two scenes then disappears. And that is a bit of a shame because I think at it's core, there is a good story waiting to get out in this movie.

Javier Bardem does a pretty good job as Captain Salazar and while some of it was seen in the trailers already, his crew and him are actually pretty well designed. For a series that has had multiple cursed pirates, this might be the freakiest so good on them.

Now while the movie is AT LEAST 20 years after At Worlds End, Jack Sparrow  still looks like barely 10 years have passed, but it is discovered that Jack is pretty washed up at this point. His luck has run out and he is no longer the infamous Jack Sparrow, he's more of a joke. He's at his lowest point in this movie.

I guess as far as story goes, it kind of makes sense to state that Jack's situation has changed so there is some development in the character. But I don't think anybody wanted to see this Jack Sparrow. Like Jack Sparrow was always a caricature of a washed up Keith Richards, but I don't think anybody wanted to see an actually washed up Jack Sparrow, if that makes sense.

I heard a review state that in the old movies people would look off as Jack escaped a situation and say, "That might be the greatest pirate I've ever seen". Nobody was saying that in this film. He is just this drunk baffoon who... now that I think of it, besides his connection to Captain Salazar, really serves no purpose to the film besides comic relief.

And that is a shame. While I think they started down the right path by Jack taking somewhat of a back seat to the adventure that Henry and the female main character, Carina are having, I still think there was too much Jack in this movie and not the good kind.The parts of the character that people love were gone and he's not just a parody of himself. The end of this movie hints towards the possibility of a sixth Pirates movie and while not one person is calling for that at all again, I don't know if people wouldn't see it. But I will say if they make another one, just drop Depp from the film. Find another comic relief to actually BE THE COMIC RELIEF.

The weird thing about this movie is that there is a lot of talent, old and new. All the shady bullshit that he's been doing in regard to his ex-wife Amber Heard, he's not a bad actor. I sweat that Geoffrey Rush has reached a level where he is WAY out of this movie's league with his performance and every time he was on screen I gave a shit.

Even the new actors aren't the worst, and they brought back so many old characters who could have been consolidated for a reason because they worked in previous films. But it's all just jumbled together to create this weird mess of a movie.

Again, I'll say there might have been some inklings of the spirit of the first film in this and I will probably remember this more than I remembered On Stranger Tides, but that is a pretty low standard.

But the biggest thing I noticed about this movie was it's attempt moving in the direction of Fast and Furious where instead of just being an adventure film, they're trying to do things just bigger, to hell with logic or reason. I noticed this in the first big action sequence where Jack's crew drags a whole house with a vault in it with a team of horses, very reminiscent of the scene in Fast 5 where they drag a vault through the streets of Rio with a bunch of cars.

 I think Dead Men Tell No Tales was a rebranding attempt by Disney for this franchise. Without giving anything away, there is a hint at a 6th Pirates movie and I can only imagine what they have in store, but if it happens, its not going to be anywhere in the realm of Curse of the Black Pearl in being a simple adventure pirate movie. It instead will be the same as this film with a lot of CGI, bigger and more ridiculous plots, and more than likely, more Johnny Depp.

Dead Men Tell No Tales is not a horrible movie. It's by no means good, but it's not the worst thing I've seen from 2017. It felt a little more memorable than On Stranger Tides, but not by much. Overall, it was just a movie that nobody really wanted but it's on Netflix so why not enjoy it right?

A lot of things were kind of mixed up because the main attraction is supposed to be Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow, but he looked bored as all get out the entire movie. Geoffrey Rush is of course great, and the new characters I think were just happy to be there, but there was so much going on and so many things in play that it just didn't have that same flare that the original pirates did. I really hope this is the end, or at least the end of Pirates of the Carribean as we know it. I wouldn't mind seeing more movies about Pirates and if you want to call it a Pirates of the Carribean movie for marketing reasons thats fine. But get rid of Jack Sparrow, try something new, and hey if that means you rebrand and make it Fast and the Furious but for Pirates, I wouldn't be opposed to that. But if these movies continue on the path they're going, they're just going to be mediocre at best and only worth barely paying attention to it when it comes on Netflix.

But what did you think? I feel like I gave kind of a back handed compliment of this movie because I did slightly enjoy myself but what did you think? Comment and Discuss below! You can also send me your thoughts on Twitter @MovieSymposium as well as send me your requests for films I should review in the future. If you follow me on Twitter, you can get updates on future movie news and reviews coming out of this blog.

I'll leave you with this. It doesn't matter how mediocre this film is, Pirates of the Carribean does have a kick ass sound track. Enjoy!