So many people have reviewed this movie before that I probably will not be saying anything original here. However, to keep with tradition, I'll review it.
Here's a trailer for you
From the very first line of this movie, you can already tell this movie is going to blow. Just Robin saying, "I want a car, Chicks dig the car" and Batman saying, "this is why Superman works alone." This line says everything about the leads. First it says, Robin is going to be the most annoying motherfucker in the world. Secondly it says that George Clooney is going to give the most lack luster performance he's ever given because he knows A) Val Kilmer didn't want to do this movie, so why the hell am I? B) I'm the only one who's career isn't totally destroyed by this movie. Now I'm not bothered by the fact he mentions Superman as a lot of critics are. Yes Superman exists in that universe and yes it doesn't make sense that he's not there. This is a Batman film though. What good would it do if Superman appeared. This scene is more bothersome because older incarnations of Batman wouldn't say a line like that or be tagging along an annoying as fuck Chris O'Donnell with him. What happened to that Batman?
Basic premise: Batman and Robin team up to fight the team up of Poison Ivy and Mr. Freeze. Mr. Freeze wants to freeze the world, Poison Ivy wants to cover the world with killer plants. All the while, Barbara Wilson(?) the niece of Alfred, Bruce Wayne's butler, comes to visit. Also Alfred is dying by the same disease Mr. Freeze's wife has. Also Poison Ivy has a henchman named Bane (believe me I will get to this) who is basically a steroid induced body guard (oh believe me, I will get to this).
The first big complaint with this movie is the overall mood of the movie. Yes, Batman Forever was a little lighter and a little more kid friendly but it at least looked like they gave a flying fuck. The thing is, this movie could have been paying omage to the very early Bob Kane comic books, you know the ones where Batman and Robin are playing baseball? But even if it was, which it's not, why would you pay omage to that? yes it was a piece of Batman history but it's not something that needs to be remembered on film. Also, the whole feeling of Batman in this movie is brought into the open. No longer is Batman a superhero of the shadows, he's just a superhero. This movie forgot the one thing that makes Batman awesome, the fact he has no powers. This movie tried to make him seem super, even though Batman doesn't need to be super to be an awesome hero. But I think one of the greatest insults is summed up in this video.
Not only is this movie too bright and too campy, its just downright lazy. The writers had to be sitting writing this and said, alright well what does he say next? Oh lets do another one liner about Ice.
And thats the other, every other line in this movie is a one liner. It's not just Schwarzenegger, it's EVERYONE! The one liners in this movie are absolutely ridiculous. I could go into more but thinking about this movie too seriously is hurting my brain.
Well lets get into the characters.
Bruce Wayne/ Batman
Like I said before, Val Kilmer was no longer playing the role of Bruce Wayne. It might have been a scheduling thing, maybe disinterest, or maybe he didn't get along with Joel Schumacher. Regardless, George Clooney was hired to take over the role.
Makes sense right? He's handsome, he's built, he's a good actor. What else do you need?
Well first off, you need to give a shit.
Seriously, this performance was so phoned in its just insulting. And the sad thing is, I want Clooney to be a good Batman. It just makes sense for him to play Batman and had he been cast in the first one, I bet he would have done better, and I bet it would have set Clooney's career in a different direction. It's a bold claim but I know Clooney can do better than what he did in this movie.
Also he has a girlfriend in this movie named Julie Madison. Who is she? It doesn't matter, she's an awful actress and she barely shows up in this movie. I'm so glad the woman who replaced Nicole Kidman was a throw away actress that you forget after a while.
I mean why would Bruce Wayne let this go?
This movie focuses more on the relationship between Batman and Robin, Bruce Wayne and Alfred, and the importance of "family"... gross...
Robin / Dick Grayson
Pretty much just see the comments I made on my Batman Forever post. Robin is whiny, annoying, and pointless. I don't know if its Chris O'Donnell's fault or how his character was written. It's probably both. All I know is that this incarnation of Robin has pushed the credibility of Robin back another 20 years. Robin will not be given a live action movie for a good long time and its because of this attempt here. Everything I said about Robin in my Robin post, its because of this guy.
Bat Girl / Barbara Wilson
I don't know why they decided to make Bat Girl, who is suppose to be the daughter of Commissioner Gordon, the niece of Alfred... but I guess they had to fuel that pointless side story.
This casting isn't bad, considering the movie its a cast for. In any other Batman movie, if the casting director said, "Let's hire the girl from Clueless!" the director would fire them on the spot. But this movie, it made sense. Want a dumb movie for kids? Get a dumb actress for kids! Now I have nothing against Alicia Silverstone personally. But she never really did anything other than Clueless. And Clueless and Batman do not mix.
Alfred
I guess I should give the movie some "credit" they kept Alfred. They could have pulled a Billy Dee Williams and gotten another old man to play Alfred. But they kept Michael Gough. He had a substantially bigger part in this movie that the last three but unfortunately, it was too little too late.
Focusing on the relationship between Bruce and Alfred is a goldmine when it comes to Batman. A perfect example is in the Dark Knight Trilogy, an example I will mention in future posts. But Michael Gough spent 3 movies being barely a secondary character and when they finally put him in a place for him to actually do something, it was in one of the worst movies ever made.
I like Michael Gough as Alfred. He's no Michael Caine but there's a sense of nostalgia when you talk of Michael Gough. He was the funny conscious of Bruce Wayne who always told him to go get the woman. Did he have a part? No. Did it matter? No. He's Alfred!
I did think it was funny he had a brother that was named Wilfred and was also a butler... but that was a pointless story arc so... who cares?
Poison Ivy
Now in a movie like this, pretty much any character is going to be impossible to be good and a lot of characters have the potential of being bad. Uma Thurman is a very good example of this. Poison Ivy speaks only in one-liners and looks like a villain from Power Rangers. She's not funny, she's not sexy, she's just... stupid. Again, nothing against Uma Thurman personally, she just wasn't good. I mean at all!
Mr. Freeze
Now Poison Ivy was bad, but she was the Tommy Lee Jones kind of bad. Alone she was awful, but with a decent villain partner, you could kind of look over her flaws.
Mr. Freeze is not that ideal partner.
I mean for god's sake, its Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you put him and a Batman movie together, make him blue, and give him a script of one liners, how can that end well?
He's really bad... that's all I'm going to say.
But it begs the question, what were they thinking with this movie? Did they finish filming and just say, "Eh, I guess it'll work?" Somebody had to see this coming together and just wonder, "What the fuck am I watching?"
The semi good news is that this movie is really so bad that its one of those movies you watch because its so bad. You have to watch it not as you would watch the 1989 Batman, believe me they're nothing alike, and watch it as if you were a child. You just got all the Batman action figures and you want to make a story. Sure it doesn't makes sense, but that was the wonder of being a child... and that is also why children don't make major motion picture sequels to beloved Superhero franchises.
You see Batman and Robin is really a one of a kind bad movie. It's something that happens once a decade. It's something I would tell you to watch... just so you can experience the pain I have experienced. Its the kind of pain that is so horrible, it unites people in pain. Then soon, they are just united.
So that is the end of the first go at the Batman Franchise. I'll do a wrap up post after this one but for now, I need to nurse this headache I have... this movie is that bad.
So have you seen Batman and Robin? Do you enjoy bad movies? What do you think of the first four Batman live action movies? Comment below and let me know.
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